. . When we first think of health, we normally automatically think of diet and excersise. We rarely think of not only our physical health, but also our mental health, which is just as important. I know for myself, I am my toughest critic. I sometimes forget to just be kind to myself, to not be too hard on myself, and especially to not bring myself down.
Going through barriatric surgery unfortunately caused a few long term, but fixable complications. First, I had a major infection in my gallbladder that eventually had to be surgically removed. Then, I developed an iron deficiency, and after that I had major amounts of excess skin that had to be surgically removed. Now, with the latest complication, unexplained non-stop tingling in my arms and legs. Going through this battle with my health has been really hard on me physically, but it has also definitely put a strain on my mental health. When I had surgery, I was well aware that it was not a "quick fix". I knew I had to change my lifestyle, which I did. I am glad that I had VSG Surgery, but I definitely did not expect to have so many complications. Three surgeries in less than four years is a lot to put your body through physically and mentally. Especially when you have a history of strain on your mental health.
Not many people know this about me, I suffer from anxiety and depression. I was diagnosed when I was 19 years old. Although I have never been put on medication, I have been very close to that point. Anxiety and depression is not something that just "goes away", it is something that needs to be dealt with head on. Over the years, through therapy, I have learned how to deal with my triggers, and manage my anxiety and depression. A big missconception that I have found is that people often think that if you have anxiety and depression you can not function. Also, some may think that if you "look normal" or you do not "look sick", then everything must be ok with you. It is important to know that if someone "looks normal" or doesn't "look sick" that DOES NOT mean that they are not going through tough times or dealing with health issues. Our health is something very private, not everyone wants to be open with others about their health, and that is okay because it is ultimately their choice who they choose to share information with.
After I was diagnosed, I immediately felt ashamed. I was just before my enlistment to the IDF (Israeli Army), and I was so afraid that this type of dianosis would affect my service. I was lucky to have a Phychologist that was open to me trying therapy before being put on any medication, and I started therapy immediately. I did art therapy for more than a year, 3-4 times a week. Sharing and dealing with my feelings in the form of art, was more therapeutic then I expected it to be. My therapist was able to pull feelings that I had burried for years. Every time I had a session, I felt as if another weight had been lifted. After that year, I decided not to return to therapy. I felt that I had the tools needed to be able to concur my triggers. At first, I was very successfull, but after a few years it became more and more difficult to concur those triggers.
This past year has been very difficult both mentally and physically. Going through major weightloss and being left with tons of excess skin affected me both mentally and physically. On top of that, I had skin removal surgery, which made it the third surgery that I had in less than four years. Thankfully my surgery was very successfull, and I can finally see the results of all of my hard work. Then 2020 happened, corona, and all that comes with that. Being stuck in quarantine for multiple months definitely did not help my mental and physicall health.
Finally, I had the body that I worked so hard for, and then another bump in the road. I started having unexplained tingling in my arms and legs. Tingling that is so debilitating that some days I can not even move or get out of bed. Up unitl now this sounds more physical, correct, wrong! This played a major toll on my mental health. I can't work out, I can't even walk a few steps without having to sit down. On the outside I look "healthy and normal", but that is not the case, which makes it even more frustrating. I have received so many comments, suprisingly from close friends and family that have really hurt me. Comments such as; "Why don't you just get up and move around?", "Are you sure it's not all in your head?", "You can't just sit and not do anything.", "You look normal, are you sure there's something wrong?". These comments were and still are very frustrating. I tried for a long time to be strong, to not let the comments sink in, but they finally did. It affected my mental health. I started to sink back into bad and old habbits. Until, just a few weeks ago, I decided to pick myself up. I decided not to let other people and their comments affect me. I decided to keep those who are positive close, and share information with them. The one's who are negative, I stopped sharing. It doesn't mean that I do not care about them, it just means that right now I need people around me who will be positive and lift me up. It was a decision that I had to make. As hard as it was, I had to make that decision for the sake of my mental health. I learned that I can not control what other people think or choose to say, but I can control how I react and how I let it affect me.
The doctors still do not know what is wrong, and why I have the tingling. Thankfully I have an amazing barriatric surgeon and neurologist that both agree that there is definitely something wrong. They are running all the nessecary tests, and I am just hoping for the best. Living in the "unknown" is hard for me. I am a planner, I am someone who always thinks ten steps ahead, so not being able to do that here is very difficult. I have learned that there are some things that are simply out of my control. I have realized through all of this, that keeping a positive mindset and positive attidude definitely helps my mental health. Even if my physical health is not 100 percent there yet. I may not know yet what is wrong with me, the results may be scary and lifechanging, but I know that I will get through it. I know that in the end, whatever happens, it will all make me stronger. It doesn't mean that I won't have challenges along the way, it just means that now I know that I have the tools to successfully deal with them.
For me personally, by sharing my story, I actually feel better. For me, it is a form of therapy. It is a tool that I use to deal with my triggers. To know that there is a chance, that by sharing my experiences I can help even just one person, then I am happy. My current health journey has taught me not to be ashamed. It has taught me to not to be afraid of sharing, and especially to stay positive and be kind to myself. A positive mindset is much more productive and effective then a negative one, and when you are positive it is much easier to get through the tough times. It is definitely easier said then done. To be positive and kind to ourselves and others can sometimes be a challenge, but it is necessary in order to lead a happy and healthy life. We must remember to be kind to one another, but to also be kind to ourselves even when we are not feeling our best. Kindness is magic, and a little bit of that magic can go a long way.
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